Step 2: A greater power can restore sanity

So without realising what might follow after step 1: admitting you have a problem, I have unwittingly ordered online some material that for me fits nicely with step 2. Although I should say that I have still not truly admitted to myself that this is a problem, my compulsion for buying books. Looking to a greater power, higher than myself I have indulged in new copies of:

11. Why I am Not a Christian: and Other Essays on Religion - Bertrand Russell - £11.99 Amazon
12. God is Not Great - Christopher Hitchens - £5.89 Amazon
13. Arguably - Christopher Hitchens - £7.92 Amazon

I have been looking out for these titles at charity shops for months but have come to realise that people that own these books must treasure and keep them which is why they are so relatively rare in the charity shops I go to. Hence I bit the bullet and bought them with some birthday vouchers and they arrived today.

There is an obvious theme to this batch of books, which as anyone can guess goes hand in hand with having already read several Richard Dawkins books as well as owning An Atheists Guide to Christmas  and a mega copy of The Origin of Species and The Voyage of the Beagle. Add that I have a background in physics and have not been baptised and you may as well throw me on the heathen fire.

Just writing about these books is making me feel a little uneasy, after years of conditioning reminding me not to offend others. I have already decided that I cannot read God is Not Great on my commute, after the only time I took The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins on the tube, two nuns and a Jewish man wearing a kippah sat opposite me. Nothing of course happened to make it impossible to read a book about religion in public but I perceived an awkwardness and feared that someone might say something to me about my choice of reading material. I shall, however, relish reading these titles from the safety of my sofa. They've already made me quite happy just being in my collection.

Step 1: Admitting you have a problem

Work was busy yesterday. I was shuttling from site to site and even may have in my shift dress been slightly running when I thought no one was looking. Twice I visited the bathrooms only to find I was in a queue and ditched it, feeling I had no time. I was quite thirsty but also didn't seem able to stop and have a drink although I did take a swipe off the water fountain a couple of times but my technique is poor and I think the equivalent water I actually drank was half a sip. Yesterday I was literally run off my feet.

When I came home and tried to tell my partner all my woes, I dumped my bag on the floor by my  shoes and dug out my phone which was dead. In order to get to my phone I had to take something out of my overfilled bag. Describing my crazy day as I did, I paused and said, "sorry, I also managed to buy a book" and took out the offending article sheepishly.

In-between not being able to pee or drink, in-between jogging between offices and dashing about not stopping to answer colleagues' questions, I had gone past an Oxfam Books shop. I was in a hurry so I obviously popped in to browse the books. I didn't bother looking at the fiction (to save time) and just looked at the history section and languages and self-help type books. After 4 mins I saw a book I have been wanting a copy of for about 6 years but had yet to see it in a charity shop. It was £2.99 and I bought it immediately. I left the shop and ran down the road.

In this post, I'm not admitting to myself that I have a problem, just maybe suggesting that this is not quite fully normal behaviour. Between essential bodily functions and buying a book, I gave the book the priority.

In the last 4 days I have bought 9 books. Not including the books that have arrived in the post nor the ones I have ordered online and have yet to arrive (online shopping is not at real/bad as real life buying in shops??). Okay an 10th book arrived in the post as well and I'll wait for the others to arrive before I count them as "mine". I am hoping to be able to use this blog to log what I am buying and maybe gauge if this a problem or not. I mean, it's not a problem, it's a complete joy, but isn't that what an addict would say?

In the last 4 days the books that have arrived in the post and that I have also bought are:

1. Ignorance - Milan Kundera - £0.89 Oxfam
2. Tin Tin in America - Herge - £0.89 Oxfam
3. The Broons and Oor Wullie - The Fabulous Fifties - £1.99 Traid
4. Out of Africa - Karen Blixen - £1.75 Shelter
5. The Dissident - Nell Freudenberger - £2.25 Shelter
6. The Story of Tibet - Conversations with the Dalai Lama - Thomas Laird - £2.25 Shelter
7. Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson - £2.99 Traid
8. How the World Came to Oxford - Amnesty International - £2.00
9. Mathematical Carnival - Martin Gardner - £2.25 British Heart Foundation
10. They F*** You Up - How to Survive Family Life - Oliver James - £2.99 Oxfam

I've fancied reading this since I saw it in Fopp in the mid noughts. The cover obviously caught my eye but I am genuinely interested in finding out how my parents f***ed me up and how to attempt not to f*** up any future kids I have.